Relocating to Scotland can be an enchanting journey—sweeping landscapes, rich history, and a culture steeped in tradition. But for many American women who’ve made the leap, there’s a side to expat life that’s rarely talked about: the quiet isolation that creeps in after the initial novelty fades.
Whether you've landed here because of a spouse’s job, a new adventure, or to start fresh, it's not uncommon to find yourself feeling disconnected. Building meaningful friendships, finding romantic connections, or establishing professional networks can be surprisingly difficult, even in a country that shares a language and a good bit of cultural overlap.
The Hidden Hurdles of Expat Life
1. Making Real Friends Can Be Hard
Scottish people are famously friendly, but becoming part of their inner social circles can take time and effort. Many American women find themselves stuck in a cycle of polite conversations and surface-level acquaintances without ever quite bridging the gap to true friendship. Without a local support system, loneliness can feel magnified—especially if you're living in a rural area or a small town.
2. Romance and Dating? Tricky.
If you’re single and looking, you may be surprised by how limited the dating pool feels—especially if you’re outside major cities like Edinburgh or Glasgow. Online dating culture can be different here, and it’s not always easy to figure out how to meet potential partners organically. The lack of organized singles events makes things even more difficult.
3. Networking Isn’t What It Used to Be
Back in the States, you may have been used to regular business mixers, entrepreneurial events, or vibrant coworking communities. In Scotland—especially outside urban hubs—these opportunities can be few and far between. The result? Professional stagnation, and a feeling that your skills and aspirations are quietly collecting dust.
4. School Drop-Off... Then What?
For women with school-aged children, the long hours between drop-off and pick-up can feel eerily empty. While there are some community events and coffee meetups, they’re often geared toward early-years parents or retirees—not dynamic, career-minded women in their 30s, 40s, and 50s looking for engaging ways to spend their day.
5. Golf Widow Syndrome is Real
Scotland is a golfer’s paradise—but if you’re not into the sport, accompanying a golf-loving spouse on vacation can quickly turn into a week of solitude. Many resorts and golf destinations still haven’t caught on to the idea of offering parallel activities for spouses who aren’t teeing off.
6. Where Are the Events for Us?
There’s a noticeable gap when it comes to organized events that help women build social, romantic, and professional connections. Women want more than just book clubs or wine nights—they want purpose-driven gatherings that foster real connection, meaningful conversation, and shared goals.
So... What Can We Do About It?
There’s power in naming the problem—and even more power in connecting over shared experience. If you're feeling these struggles, you're not alone. A growing number of women are beginning to speak up, organize, and create the very spaces they wish had existed when they arrived.
Here are a few steps forward:
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Seek out or create expat-specific meetup groups focused on personal growth, friendship, and business. The American Women's Club of St Andrews is a perfect start!
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Advocate for inclusive travel options at golf resorts and vacation destinations. Suggest day-long activities through your AWC and encourage other women to join.
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Encourage local councils and community centres to offer more programming tailored to women’s real needs. There are actually quite a few women's groups "meeting" through Facebook who would surely enjoy meeting in person... ask them!
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Support businesses and initiatives led by expat women—your network grows when you help others build theirs. What sort of business or service would you like to offer? Are you offering one now? Let us know!
If you’re reading this and nodding along, consider this your invitation: Let's start building the community we came here hoping to find.
